The Chop Shop

i looked up 'seaplane' to see if there is another name, there isn't(except float plane). i swore those things were called something else, like... oh hell nevermind.

the title does alot of work here. it puts us in mind of the Daedalus and Icarus myth. (it put me in mind of nervo's icarus and icarus the remix poems) the myth is not directly addressed in the poem so we have to draw conections of our own. they are easy to make, but still makes us work a little.

daedalus told his son not to fly to close to the sea, as well as the sun. this would make his wings moist and hard to fly. (a little problem maybe)daedalus succeeded. he escaped from the labyrinth and made it safely. he did not want to fly on the ocean, he just wanted to get away from minos and the labyrinth. i am not sure what you meant by the title... what did he begin?

other than that, just a good straight ahead narritive. not too much to work for, just good feelings.

The title was a last minute, pulled out of you-know-where addition. I was just thinking of man's desire to fly. Have you seen "Those Magnificent Men And Their Flying Machines?" Remember that list of movies I never posted? Where the hell did I put that. . .

I need ideas for a new title and I think the word "awestruck" is too much, too declarative. How can I show and not tell here? Any suggestions?

Where is that list, anyways? And I want the music list, not the movie list, that's for Garth....
there is another name for seaplane...hydroplane...

perhaps the best way is to include an epigraph about the movie? I am not sure how to solve the title situation...

..5th line break is arbitrary.

..Not sure about whether I like the symbolic notion of an invisible thread, or the geese saying, this is how it is done...hold on a sec...looking up that movie (I need to see some movies; yes, Garth, I know, I need to see Napoleon Dynamite...get to your essay, slacker!)...well, it sounds like The Great Race, has international contest...huh! Now I want to see it, it sounds cool..it is set in the 1910's, made in 1965...

....ok, maybe now I want the movie list, too. I thought I was a movie buff, but Josh went old-school on me...

I see the speaker's being "awestruck" and the idea of the sea-plane as "strange" as repeating the same notion. Is it necessary for the poem to basically say the same thing twice?

Also, sky and water meeting sky and water is an interesting concept- I like it. But I think it would be cool if you could bring that concept to life without actually spelling it out. I don't have any specific idea on how you would go about doing that, but I can imagine the concept (what about using more visual examples of what you're talking about?)

Unlike Anthony, I really enjoyed the inclusion of the geese- it brings a little fun into a fairly meditative piece.

I like the length of this poem, its short and to the point. Because of its length, the repetition in the beginning really stands out to me- you have much less room to play around with.

One more thing...

What if you omitted lines 2-3?