The Chop Shop

I like the fact that you say "drink is dry" instead of drunk, which distances us from the occasion. Also, the brown caress is very nice, since you mix the drink with the ice cube, where it alludes to the speaker's wish to blur memory.

Rhyme on the last two lines is nice; watch for arbitrary line breaks in line 3, 4, and 5, where indefinite articles should not end the line. Consider breaking after "melts", "shiver", and "nonchalantly".

I like the title, too.

i am confused, if this is your last drink, why do you order another? if it is refering to the last drink, the one you just finished, it is worded oddly.

'nonchalantly' breaks the cadence of the poem. maybe if it broke the line and you let it hang at the end of the line it would seem less intrusive.it does foreshaddow the 'remember' in the last line. i like remember, good word choice.

the end rhymes, although they are perfect are not to overt, they melt into the enjambment. nice.

although i like this poem, and we can all relate, i think the last line is too didactic. it seems like there could be a softer way to say this, it jumps right out and tells you what the poem is all about.

p.s. is there some reason you are drinking? do you need a hug?

In a short, "slice-of-life" poem like this one, the line breaks take on extra weight. I think this poem is a strong piece of writing, but I think that if you were to break the lines so that they almost became stand alone statements, it would be stronger. (e.g. after dry in line 1, after shiver in line 4).

I think what I like best about this poem is its objectivist voice. I agree with Garth about the last line. What do you think of changing "what" to "who?"