The Chop Shop

Just finished reading The Odyssey, again. So I enjoyed the suitor references mixed in with modern twists.

Tell me if I understand this right: A vampy woman is trouble in disguise like the Trojan horse? She's not a good girl like Penelope... I'm confused about the "Corinthian measures."

Overall, I'm intrigued by the metaphors used, but I think it could be stronger with different line breaks (like in line 6, what about ending it with "cutting" and continuing the rest of it in the next line? And in line 9, how about breaking at "Penelope"?)

Sharp imagery, the colors help to ground the poem.

I'm not sure I'm coming at this from the right angle. One thing this poem has inspired me to do is to finally, really, really read Homer. My Greek mythology is lacking, to say the least.

incipit = the beginning or opening words of the text of a medieval manuscript or early printed book. Messages, stories, intertextuality. It's all there, but I'm just barely catching its scent. I want more, but more what?

Hmm. I like the imagery. I like the cadence, although there seems to be some hyperbaton (e.g. "her dilations yellow") going on, which is distracting. I read it "her yellow dilations" because it seems more correct that way.

All in all, it's good and I like it. But it seems to have a secret message. I need a better decoder ring. You hear that Cracker Jack's?

p.s. kickass! Amber's back!

Cracker's Jacks: that's kinda' catchy.

Amber is right: the line breaks were changed to make it more prosey, but I have taken her advice. She is also right about mixing modern day work with mythology. I wanted to mix Neil Gaiman's modernization of Greek mythology with other stories: I was reading "The Merchant of Venice" and loved the character of Portia.

After reading your comments, I realize how much this poem is influenced by Revell's amalgamation of allusion, especially with the story of Orpheus (Rilke, anyone?), who is implied so many times in "My Mojave". Orpheus is the one who plays beautiful music to the women of Dionysus, the Bacchae, and is torn limb from limb for makig them cry. He sings this song because he loses his love, Eurydice, twice (once bitten by a snake, twice by not saving her from the underworld).

Josh is also right; maybe more about Eurydice would be better, but the "Merchant of Venice" allusions in the beginning started this whole thing. It is kind of a hybridization of...well, I can't tell you that. You'll have to get a decoder ring.

Amber strikes back! Return of Amber!

first thing i have to say is this feels like it has been written from atop the ivory tower. nice.
i would agree that the best part for me is the ancient mixed with the present.
i feel like you could flesh out your imagery and get a little more mileage out of this poem. it seems to want to tell me more, give me a few more hints on where to search for my decoder ring.

line three "speechless mesages" i dont know. it does not really resonate with me. it distracts me a bit.

i like the multiple allusion implied by bacchae. greek myth and revell.

i like the way "her dilations yellow" reads, though the word fountians at the end of the stanza, if refering to her eyes like it seeems to me is a bit much.

overall, good to be back. look out world. the chop shop school is gonna take over!