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December 09, 2004
The Pianist
Lithe piano-fingers scaling
slender ivory precipices,
like a ten-legged spider flailing
delicate threads across pieces
by Mozart, Hayden, Beethoven.
His lank body leaning toward each note
with a face washed of all emotion,
lost and safe in a world afloat
on straining piano wires.
Tender movements by masters weeping
for unmarked burning funeral pyres,
unspeakable guilt, crimes gripping
one who canít undo what he did.
The pianist gently closes the lid.
Posted by amber at December 9, 2004 05:47 PM
Comments
Free Verse Sonnet...
...I love the rhyme scheme of this English sonnet, but I would argue for the use of iambic pentameter for this poem, because I think it would add a great deal to this poem. Your rhymes are excellent, I am very impressed with what you have done here, my favorite of yours so far, Amber...but most of these lines are either in iambic or trochaic tetrameter, and unless you want to change this to free verse, then I would suggest making it a true English sonnet. It would heighten your usage of rhyme, and the point you are trying to make.
As a counterpoint, I have my free verse sonnet, "Araby", on hand, but I have turned it into a syllabic poem now. It seems to work much better that way. Although the rhyme scheme is still Petrarchan, the form seems to fit it better. I would suggest changing the form of this poem; otherwise, good stuff, esp. the "ten-legged spider".
Posted by: tony at December 11, 2004 01:02 AM
Beethoven / emotion. . .
. . .super slant rhyme, Amber.
What if you expanded the alternating line length so that you switch from tetrameter to trimeter or pentameter? Some of the 9 syllable lines could go either way. The end-rhymes in the octave are subtle, while those in the sestet are more pronounced. Accidental? Or does it reflect the key-pounding final flourish? Sound and sense, eh?
Only other suggestion is a new title. The word piano and pianist, while very fun to say, seem redundant.
Posted by: Josh at December 14, 2004 12:14 AM