The Chop Shop

This is my imagist poem. My stream of consciousness poem. My just an experiment poem. My what do you think poem.

HEY. No posting new poems w/out commenting on ALL the previous ones first! Them's the rules!

ok i am up to date on all comments.

No post for you!

Pound for Pound,I think this poem should be shortened.

Har Har. I need sleep. Who's working in this poem? A gardener? A farmer? A mortician? Yeah, a different title would definitely help...

...what I like is the e.e. "i" you use, and the compound words "topsoil" and "earthworms".

-not crazy about the "eternal rest" part--seems too much, and ambiguous...

...grudgingly, I find "begrudgingly" not a bad choice of word: the envy of chasing down them little buggers who're buried seems fitting, somehow...

...this poem reads, if fit into two measured lines, as one, iambic pentameter and iambic heptameter, ironically...(I know, I need help)..
but it seems to show how well your words flow together...

..and I'm spent. One more rehearsal, and I am going to write a very sardonic poem (what a change) about theatre. Good night.

I think the short one to two word lines works really well both visually and when you read it. As you're digging, you slowly make your way down to the bottom one scoop at a time.

I also like it for its short and sweet get to the point style in general.

The title's got to go.... though I suppose cumming's worm farm poem went without a title all together.

yes, the title was made up at the moment of post to fill that pesky required box. it will go, any ideas for a replacement title?

-doc hodg

Begrudgingly: to expend with reluctance

digging towards eternal rest with reluctance? more like digging towards death reluctantly because of fear of the unknown. i wouldn't say that eternal rest doesn't fit, it does have some nice connotative weight (it is one of the things christianity strives for, after all). a reluctance to be dead makes sense. a reluctance to dig towards an idea that a religion tells you should be your ultimate goal also makes sense.

The stanza breaks are only working graphically. I think stichic is terrific!

begrudingly & eternal rest: the weight of the poem is here, the rest is (very nicely constructed) imagist filler. Is this a good example of perhaps being too concise?

The poem definitely doesn't feel finished, we'll have to discuss it in the real world.

I enjoy the simplicity of the poem. but...
-Begrudgingly does not work for me. Try putting that tone in the poem rather than telling me that; it seems--I am not sure what the right word is, but how about--forced.
-You have a whopping two adjectives in your imagist poem... why? The poem lacks the feel for what is going on; like it needs some more of the "d" and "g" sound so the sound of digging can be heard.

Doc Hodg is right: his poem is closer in relation to William Carlos Williams. I retract my pun about Ezra Pound.